Vision In White
by mispel
Summary: As Anya tries to extract wishes from Xander's friends, they each see their own pieces of the puzzle. Xander sees the future in the past.
1. Part I

Vision in White

Anya

It was already too late but they didn't know - Anya wasn't one of them any more. They were trying to talk her down off a ledge after she already jumped. Assuring her they were still her friends, they promised they wouldn't defend him. But then they did. Anya wasn't after their friendship, though, she just needed a few little words from them.

Echoes

Xander's Dad ordered another drink. He raised the glass to Xander's Mom. The way Xander's parents looked at each other seemed familiar to Dawn. But whenever she tried to figure it out, all she could see was Buffy's face when they were younger.

It was when they were still in LA. Buffy was extra quiet and she glared at Dawn if Dawn wasn't quiet too. Their parents were somewhere in the background not talking. If they were talking, Buffy would turn up the TV, and Dawn couldn't hear them. Other times Buffy brought Dawn into her room, shut the door and turned on the radio.

That's why Dawn only half remembered that look. But she knew she would figure it out if she put her mind to it.

  


Dawn, the little meddler, just couldn't help herself.

"But the fake, old Xander and the vision. It must have looked so real," Dawn attempted. Anya didn't let her finish her pitch. She had already gone through all the arguments in her head.

"He was a foot too short, Dawn. If Xander really loved me, he wouldn't have believed it," she said and hung her head. Then she sighed. Dawn was her best bet and she got nothing from her except sympathy.

For Better Or For Worse

Willow cringed. Xander ignored the noise of his parents fighting. It was the first time Willow had been at his house. It was messier than hers. It smelled funny. There were stains on the carpet. And there was yelling. She was glad when she left. She said, "Bye Mr. Harris. Bye Mrs. Harris. It was nice to meet you." But they didn't hear her high, little voice.

  


Anya knew that Willow was a long shot. But Willow babbled like a fountain - who knows what she might say. Willow sure didn't.

"His parents. You saw them. It's what he's seen all his life. It was real to him," Willow told her.

"When he walked out on me and left me standing there, he knew it wasn't real," Anya said. Willow's eyes got big and pitying. But no wish.

Indelible

Xander's parents were embarrassing him again. And on his wedding day. Buffy's parents were never that public. Cold smiles and polite conversation around company. But Xander's parents were still together.

Buffy remembered Dawn's face across the dinner table. Just the two of them. Mom and Dad weren't speaking to each other again. Mom only gave Buffy and Dawn their dinner. She didn't eat, and she didn't offer anything to Dad. Buffy ate quickly and went to her room. Dawn whined and asked questions. Knowing that Dawn wasn't really there didn't make any difference. Buffy couldn't erase her out of the ugly, old picture.

  


"But by then it got inside his head. It was all he could see," Buffy tried to explain. But Anya saw it for what it was.

"No, he saw me, Xander looked at me, and he said to himself, 'I don't want to marry her'," Anya summed up. Instead of a wish, Buffy made a little, sad face.

  


Anya

Anya walked to the magic box angry, kicking at things in her path. Stupid litterbugs. And what kind of friends won't even wish painful, puss filled boils on your ex?

A voice in her head tried to make her see their side. His side.

"It's not about you, Anya. You stopped being Anya the moment you changed into that dress. You became that woman in white, the doorman to his personal hell."

She told that voice to shut up.


	2. Part II

Mr. and Mrs. Harris

  


Xander

The streets were slick. Xander thought he might slip and fall and hit his head on a curb. Maybe a car would hit him while he walked down the street in his tux. Then it would be tragic and not just cowardly. He felt like there was lead in his shoes. There was a light sprinkling of rain. He just needed an umbrella and he could do a number - dance himself to death.

  


Family Album

Those kids in the pictures were long gone.

Xander flipped through the pages. The oldest pictures were first. The ones where he couldn't recognize his parents. Mom was a girl in a pretty dress. Dad was a kid posing with a basketball under his arm and a big smile, head tilted to one side. He wasn't anyone's dad or husband yet. Just a kid. Just Tony Harris. He didn't look mad or drunk. Mom looked fresh and lively. No trace of that look he always saw on her face that made him a little queasy - a mix of things missing and other things that couldn't be changed. Just two kids smiling and fading in old pictures.

The wedding pictures were in a separate album. Xander was glad he didn't have to look at them.

But there they were a little later. A picture of the happy couple. It was after they got married but before Xander was born. Dad looked a little drunk there. It was the sloppy smile and the way he had his arm around Mom like he was leaning on her. And the beer bottle in his hand. That slightly mean and bitter look creeping into his face, the answering look from his Mother.

Before and after. You flip a page and you're looking at different people.

  


The Happiest Day Of Your Life.

He was hung over at the ceremony and drunk on their wedding night. Mrs. Harris figured out along the way that it's no fun to be the sober one. After that their fights were just a blur.

"What did you expect?" Mr. Harris asked not looking at her, looking at the TV.

She expected him to get married. You don't just walk out. You had to go through with things and make do.

But looking at her husband's profile with the TV light projected on his face, she wasn't sure if Xander screwed up or escaped. You could never tell.

  


Can't Live With Them

Putting on the fancy clothes again. How he hated that.

"Next time I wear this it better be for my funeral," Mr. Harris mumbled.

That girl scared him, her sharp mean demanding eyes. She wouldn't let go easy. She'd squeeze the life right out of him.

Maybe have a little talk with him. What would he say? He already told him not to get married.

"You're a fool, boy. You have it kind of good. Decent job. Decent place. You'll ruin your life. It's not too late for you."

But Xander didn't listen. Serves him right.

Mr. Harris sat down to wait for his wife. He could hear her opening drawers. He thought about what it had been like when he had moved out for two months. He didn't know what was worse being married or being alone, he hated them both, being drunk was a nice compromise.

  


Here Comes The Bride

Xander could hear the voices of people - and demons - waiting for their entrance. If he hadn't been a coward, things would never have gotten this far. They wouldn't be all dressed up for nothing. She wouldn't be in a dress just for this day. Xander wanted to stand there and look at her, but the last part of that vision wouldn't leave him alone until he did it. Xander looked at her and he said to himself, "You don't want to hurt her".

  


The end


End file.
